Open Adoption

2011-12-07T15:18:00.001-08:00

I have decided to call myself a Family Formation attorney instead of an Adoption attorney. We are doing more and more Assisted Reproduction Technology law these days instead of the old days of strictly adoption law. It has probably been at least 15 years now since the first time I reviewed a Surrogacy contract for a surrogate. Back then the surrogate was frequently also the biological mother to the infant. In those cases the intended father was also the sperm donor and therefore the legal and biological father. However, the intended mother was not the legal parent, so we had to do a step-parent adoption following the birth in order for intended mom to be the legal parent. These days most surrogates are gestational surrogates, not related biologically to the child. Surrogate is impregnated via embryo transfer. Intended parents can both be biological parents or one can be or neither can be. Sperm and eggs can be donated or purchased. Assisted reproduction technology is absolutely amazing and getting more successful all the time. It is important that all parties to a surrogacy arrangement are represented by separate legal counsel throughout the process. Competent and experienced attorneys can be found through the American Academy of Assisted Reproduction Technology Attorneys (AAARTA). California is one of the states where we can obtain a pre-birth order to mandate that the intended parents' names be inserted in the original birth certificate.

2011-11-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

My son, Tim, has known his birth family all of his life. He is now a college student in San Diego. This year he was unable to drive all the way home to Northern California for Thanksgiving, so he travelled only an hour and a half north to Orange County to spend his turkey day weekend with his birth grandma, grandpa, birthmom and the entire extended family. He had a great time and was back in San Diego studying by Saturday night. Thanks to all you wonderful birth mothers and extended families for loving "our" children. :)

new birthmom

2011-08-07T00:50:00.000-07:00

Staff travelled down to Modesto to meet with a new birthmom on Friday. Haven't heard all the details yet

grandparent guardianship granted

2011-08-07T00:46:00.000-07:00

I am happy to report that the guardianship to the missionary grandparent was granted after some interesting negotiations with the birthfather. He was reluctant for the child to be removed from California but finally saw the wisdom of her remaining with the grandparents as being in her best interest.

2011-07-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

We have been working on an interesting guardianship. A missionary who wants to relocate to Canada is seeking a guardianship of her granddaughter. She has been the primary caretaker for this one year old infant since birth. Her daughter, the birthmom, nominated her (the grandma) as guardian of the minor child. Birthfather at first agreed, then later retracted his consent to the guardianship. Even though neither birthparent is able at this time to care for the child, the emotional aspects of agreeing to allowing his child to leave the country made it difficult for this yound man to continue to support the guardianship of the grandmother. After some time and negotiation, he finally decided it was in the best interest of his daughter to continue to be cared for by her grandmother, even though it meant the child would live quite a distance from him. Thanks to an understanding, judge who helped the young man to see the wisdom of supporting the guardianship within reasonable parameters.

Easter visit to birth family

2011-04-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

We had a fabulous visit to Grandma Judy's in Orange, CA. There were 32 friends and family members of my son's birth family. Lots of food and visiting and, of course, a Lakers basketball games in the evening. Ages ranged from 80 down to 6. Egg hunt for the children and conversations for the adults with little kids running around all day. Tim's birthmom, Julie, his grandma and grandpa, his unles, Wayne and Bob, and all of his cousins were there to make it a perfect visit.

Guardianship

2011-04-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

There are many circumstances that require someone to pursue guardianship of a child. Sometimes it's as simple as a grandparent who is already a long time/full time caretaker seeking a permanent commitment for the security and stability of a grandchild. Other times the circumstances are much more unusual. I am currently working on a temporary guardianship that will allow a couple from another state to remove the child from this state to return home and seek a permanent guardianship in their home state. This solution was suggested by our local judge. Every time I think I've done it all or heard it all, my practice throws me another curve.

Always wishing for the best for your kids

2011-04-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

My son, Tim, is waiting to hear back from colleges regarding acceptance. He has only heard from one so far, and it is the one closest to his birth family in Southern California. (It also happens to be 5 minutes from my niece's house, which would mean he would have a free place to stay for a while, until he gets his bearings and makes new friends.) Because his adoption has been open from the beginning and has become more and more open over the years, I am actually thrilled that he will be near his (birth) grandparents and the rest of their family. We have all spent a lot of time together during his growing up years. He knows them well and loves them. He will have a place to go for holidays if he can't make it all the way home. This was always my intention throughout his childhood. I am glad he has so many wonderful people who love him.

flexibility and patience

2011-04-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

We are working with a couple who is matched with a very quiet, shy birthmother. Although she signed our Authorization for Release of Information, her doctor is reluctant to talk directly with the APs. We have obtained all of birthmom's medical records. In this case the APs will need to take the med recs to their own medical practitioner to review and ask their questions. Birthmom's doc says birthmom is her patient and insists on protecting her privacy. This is an unusual situation and is causing some frustration for our clients, the APs. My point in discussing this here is to encourage you to be patient with your birthmom and to be flexible in responding to her individual needs. Every birthmom is a unique personality and every adoption is just as unique.

My personal opwn adoption story

2010-08-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

My son, Tim, was born in 1990 to a smart and beautiful birthmom named Julie. Julie was only 19 at the time of Tim's birth and found out about us through a family connection. We first met Julie and her mom Judy after Tim's birth, as he was born via emergency c-section at 30 weeks. We became acquainted during the time Tim was hospitalized while he grew, became stronger and learned to feed from a bottle.

We were already adoptive parents of our daughter, Elizabeth, through an open adoption, so when Tim's birthmom and family asked for an in-person open adoption, we were receptive to the plan. During Tim's infancy, we began visiting each other from northern to southern California a couple of times a year. As time went on and we all became friends, our relationship grew closer. We attended family functions and milestone events such as weddings, graduations and birthdays. Tim has always known Julie is his birthmom and Judy is Grandma Judy. He is as much a part of his birth family as he is of ours. I do not feel jealousy or possessiveness about his love for his grandma, his birthmom and his extended birth family. He loves me and I'm his mom.

I don't maintain that this kind of adoption will work in every placement. Every adoption takes on its own personality, so to speak, based on the people involved. I just want you to know that an adoption can be very open if everyone recognizes normal relationship boundaries. Tim is now 20 and in college living about half way between the two families. He comes home to us for the summer, but sometimes goes to see his birth family for visits on his own now during the school year.