My son, Tim, was born in 1990 to a smart and beautiful birthmom named Julie. Julie was only 19 at the time of Tim's birth and found out about us through a family connection. We first met Julie and her mom Judy after Tim's birth, as he was born via emergency c-section at 30 weeks. We became acquainted during the time Tim was hospitalized while he grew, became stronger and learned to feed from a bottle.
We were already adoptive parents of our daughter, Elizabeth, through an open adoption, so when Tim's birthmom and family asked for an in-person open adoption, we were receptive to the plan. During Tim's infancy, we began visiting each other from northern to southern California a couple of times a year. As time went on and we all became friends, our relationship grew closer. We attended family functions and milestone events such as weddings, graduations and birthdays. Tim has always known Julie is his birthmom and Judy is Grandma Judy. He is as much a part of his birth family as he is of ours. I do not feel jealousy or possessiveness about his love for his grandma, his birthmom and his extended birth family. He loves me and I'm his mom.
I don't maintain that this kind of adoption will work in every placement. Every adoption takes on its own personality, so to speak, based on the people involved. I just want you to know that an adoption can be very open if everyone recognizes normal relationship boundaries. Tim is now 20 and in college living about half way between the two families. He comes home to us for the summer, but sometimes goes to see his birth family for visits on his own now during the school year.